I can't help but feel that architecture abandoned me.
I mean.. I did everything someone is supposed to do, right?
I went to college.. I even got 2 degrees!
I got a job in my field, and I was (i think) a damn good employee. I did whatever was needed, I selflessly helped others whenever I could. I never kept tricks or skills I had learned to myself. I always shared, with the feeling that the more that knew, the better off the firm would be as a whole. I worked my ar$e off when needed, and I always did my best at whatever task I was given.
OK... I did bitch and gossip a lot.. frankly - probably too much - but honestly, that was just 'therapy' for me. it helped me get things off my chest and not be resentful (misery loves company kind of thought I guess)
...and yet, throughout my career, I've constantly seebn others who (in my opinion) were not pulling their weight, slacking off, not even doing what they promise.... and somehow the profession $hits on me and promotes and rewards those others....
I can't tell you how betrayed that makes me feel.
(come to think of it.. because it happened nearly everwhere i worked - that leads me to question, that maybe it is me that is f**ked up in my perception of myself)
whatever the case - as much as I love it, as much as I crave an outlet that combines my creative skills (such as they are) and my technologic/computer/software skills - and as much as architecture these days is a perfect blend of all those areas... maybe it's not for me.
maybe i am just too much of a generalist and not specialized enough for architecture.
i just can't help but fee that no matter how much i love it....it doesn't love me.
and that brings tears to my eyes... it really does.